Parents - Creating a Healthy Environment (Part I)

Excellence is about Attitude.
Attitude is about Environment.
Parents influence the Environment.

By Roberto Forzoni MSc CEng MCIBSE BASES

One of the most influential sources of a child’s psychological and sociological development is his/her parents. A coach may interact with a young player from anything between one and five hours a week, but this pales into insignificance when compared with the time a parent spends with their child. It is primarily in the home that a child’s beliefs, values, perceptions, attitudes and goals are shaped. Research has shown that the interest and support of parents is vital to a young player’s continued participation in sport. It has also shown, however, that much of the pressure and anxiety young players feel in sport, can come from their parents. Parents have an extremely influential role to play in their child’s tennis experience, whatever the level of their involvement, but as we have just seen, this can be of both a positive and constructive or negative and destructive nature.

So why do parents become so animated and involved in their child’s sport? Parents often have a very strong desire to make things right, this ‘righting reflex’ has a tendency to make parents over zealous in their attitude toward their child. This, often well intentioned desire, can lead to confrontation rather than collaboration, telling the child what he should or should not have done as opposed to respecting the child and believing that their child has the answer and encouragingly drawing it out of them. Some parents may perceive that their child’s competence is their competence. They may wish to live or re-live their sporting experience through their child to assume their child has to do as they did. A child’s participation in tennis can offer parents the opportunity to rewind their own sport experience and make up for their own perceived ‘failures’ and missed opportunities.

I often hear players or parents speaking about wasting their time with tennis when they do not attain the results or level of achievement they believe they deserve. This view shows scant regard for their child’s happiness and development. Tennis as a sport offers your child a positive environment in which to learn and grow. Tennis is fun, active, healthy, easy to play, and simple and affordable to begin. Having fun is the key to your child pursuing an active and healthy lifestyle. Tennis is social. It can be enjoyed with friends and family. Tennis is a team or individual activity. Your child can enjoy playing with a friend or doubles with three friends, or practicing in solitude against a wall.

Participating in sport can be one of the most rewarding and fun activities of your child’s time.

Physically your child may gain:

• Higher levels of fitness
• Better Health
• Improved motor skills
• An appreciation of healthy living (i.e. no smoking, drinking or drugs)

Psychologically, your child may experience:

• Fun
• Affiliation
• Skill Development
• Excitement
• Independence
• Confidence
• Friendships
• Challenge
• Self-esteem
• Improvement
• Success

Socially, your child may learn:

• Co-operation
• Communication
• Courage
• Achievement
• Perseverance
• Fairness
• Lifelong interest in physical activity
• Improved school achievement
• Intrinsic Motivation
• Social Value

HAVE FUN and BE POSITIVE

What can parents do to create an appropriate environment for their child so that their child will have the best chance of developing a healthy attitude toward competition and tennis in general? The main objectives should include the following:

1. Enhance self-confidence at every possible opportunity
2. Increase motivation
3. Increase awareness
4. Nurture responsibility for what happens

This approach can help your child feel that they can do something about what happens to them. Be sure your child’s experience is a positive one. If you don’t, and it isn’t, it may affect his/her self-esteem, interest in physical activity, and enjoyment of tennis. Self-esteem is the way your child sees and evaluates him/herself—either positively or negatively. Your child’s self-esteem is initially shaped by you, the parent. Your verbal and non-verbal reactions, praise and criticism, smiles, facial expressions , and hugs help to influence your child’s level of independence and sense of achievement. When your child is given lots of praise and positive reinforcement, he/she has a better chance to develop high self-esteem.
As the most influential person in your child’s life, and a figure of authority, you have an enormous capacity to make your child feel good about him/herself. The first step is to know and understand why your child is participating. Reasons will more than likely include having fun, learning new skills and being with friends.

SIGNS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Low self-esteem may be the cause when your child:

• Avoids a task or challenge without even trying, or gives up at the first sign of frustration
• Cheats or lies to prevent losing a game or doing poorly
• Shows signs of regression, acting like baby like, or very silly.
• Becomes controlling, bossy, or inflexible to hide feelings of inadequacy
• Makes excuses or downplays the importance of events
• Withdraws socially, losing or having less contact with friends, as school grades decline.
• Experiences changing moods, exhibiting sadness, crying, angry outbursts, frustration or quietness.
• Makes self critical comments, such as “I never do anything right” or “nobody likes me”
• Has difficulty accepting praise or criticism
• Becomes overly concerned or sensitive about other people’s opinions.
• Seems strongly affected by negative peer influence, adopting attitudes and behaviours like a disdain for school, missing classes, acting disrespectfully, experimenting with tobacco, alcohol or drugs.
• Is either overly helpful or never helpful at home

WHAT’S THE PURPOSE OF IT ALL?

The best starting point for becoming a good tennis parent is to give careful consideration to the purpose of your child playing tennis. This reflection fundamentally concerns the “why” of tennis. Questions which are useful to ask your child, and perhaps more importantly to ask yourself first, are, ‘why is your child playing tennis?”, or “why do you want them to play tennis?”, “why invest all the time, money, sacrifice, and hard work?”, ”what’s the purpose of it all?”, “what does success for your child, in tennis, look like to you?”, “How is success of your child’s involvement in tennis defined and measured by you and your child?”

One of the all time great Australian Coaches, a man named Percy Cerutty, who was an athletics coach and coach to Herb Elliott, the Olympic gold medalist of the 1500m at the 1960 Rome Olympics, once said to Herb Elliot: “The only justification for you devoting part of your life to this sport, is that you’re going to grow into a better human being.” (Winning Attitudes by Herb Elliott 2000).

Dan Gould, an eminent North American sport psychologist conducted some research on the development of US Olympic Champions. In it he stated, “The importance of not pressurising athletes to ‘win early’ in their careers, but to teach values such as hard work, optimism and a ‘can do’ attitude seem paramount.’ ( Dan Gould, The Development of Psychological Talent in US Olympic Champions’ 2002). He further concluded that, “At the same time, parents emphasised the attitude, “if you are going to do it, do it right”. They also modeled a hard work ethic, held high (but reasonable) expectations and standards for their child, and emphasised a stick to it and follow through on commitments attitude.”

BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM THROUGH TENNIS

Here’s how you can help!

• Praise your child often. A pat on the back means a lot. Praise effort, learning new skills, co-operation and good behaviour.
• Encourage your child
• Talk with your child. Ask for input and invite questions
• Give responsibility
• Use a smile, nod or wink as acknowledgment.
• Ensure the activity suits his/her level of physical and emotional development
• Show confidence in your child

Excellence is about Attitude.
Attitude is about Environment.
Parents influence the Environment.

In the second part of this article we look more deeply into issues that include; post-match feedback, positive affirmations, parent-coach realationship, and effective goal setting.

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Roberto is a coach and a BASES accredited sport psychologist, with a background in professional football. Roberto has coached in the youth Academy at Charlton and Crystal Palace, and at first team level at Palace, Brentford and Brigthon and also worked with England (FA) at Youth Level. He is the Bromley Tennis Academy sport psychologist, and currently acts as a consultant to the Football Association and has delivered Mental Skills training on behalf of the Lawn Tennis Association. He has written a book on Sport Psychology for the Football Association and lectures at Brunel and Greenwich University on the subject. A practical applied psychologist with a passion for performance enhancement.